FIRST day of forever!

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I have written and updated post about my family! Maybe that is because we have had no major crazy things happening, thankfully! Heath is in school and he will finish his last and FINAL semester in January!!! Hallelujah! He is seriously my hero! I am so extremely proud of this man of mine! Not only is he extremely handsome, he is smart, determined, hardworking, loyal and chases his dreams! I am one VERY lucky lady! He loves his family unconditionally and I am just so extremely proud of him. 

Arland started preschool today! We have been waiting a while for this day because of everything he has been through. We found a neurologist that we really like and she is puting a huge effort into Arland. We are so thankful for modern medicine and inspired doctors! Arland has been thinking about going to school since last year! He loves to learn and play with new friends. Today when we went to take him to preschool, I couldn't help but watch him on our walk there. He looked so grown up with his back pack on. One hand holding onto the stroller porter was sitting in. I was in such a fast pace walking and I looked down at his feet am realized I need to slow down! This is the only time I will walk him to his very first day of "school." There will be plenty of "first days" of school. But this is his FIRST day of the many days of school. Once I slowed down I looked at him and he was looking down at his feet walking. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said, "mom will miss H have choo choo trains?" Haha that is my arland right there! I will savor that little conversation my whole life. I am so proud of you Arland boy! Happy FIRST day of school! 

Good

I am sure most every mother feels like their children are innately good. Or at least I hope every mother feels that way towards their child. The past month we have hit this amazing phase with Arland. Six months ago I felt like I lost my Arland, because of his seizures I felt like his personality changed drastically and I was in mourning over my little person and who he use to be. I had talked to mothers who had experienced similar personality changes in their children and I asked them if their children ever got back to their "normal" personality. Most of them said No. I was devistated! I could not accept that my sweet boy who was so incredibly smart would never be the same. That he would be in a constant state of agitation and anxiety, that he would be sad/depressed all the time or angry. I just refuse to accept that. I feel so  much empathy for all those mothers and fathers who have experienced the loss of their child's "being" in this craziness of epilepsy. Through all of this though I know for a fact that not only is Arland never going to be the same, but neither am I. Of course I am more paranoid, anxious, stressed and confused, but I am also more aware, educated, and sympathetic. I am stronger and so is Arland. 

We have found a new neuro that we love right now. She is brilliant and caring, and she is very available to us. We are now going on 5 weeks since his last seizure, and I don't know if or when another one will happen, but I am so thankful for all that has been done to take care of my little one. We have been able to keep Arland on a lower dose of his medication which has made him so much happier. He is so much more himself these days! And that is all I can ask for :) the other day Porter hit Arland and he turned to face Porter and said "Porter we don't hit in this family." My mom heart could have burst that he recognized not to hit back :) 

Another time we were driving in the car and I told Arland to keep his brother happy and he said "mom, Porters happy, I will just hold his hand." 

I believe with all my heart that I got a good one :) Arland is innately good. He is kind and caring and he feels others emotions. I am just so thankful he is mine. 

Positive vibes

I just wanted to thank everyone that has prayed for our family and our sweet Arland. It has been a really long hard journey that is no where near over. And we are ok with that. I just want my Arland seizure free and healthy. I am so thankful for all the positive advice and words of wisdom for us. We are so new to all of this that we are looking for all and any answers to help us find a way to help our little boy. His medication he is on seems to be working and he is on 2 medications, we know from our experiences with him so far that he is NOT ready to be weaned off of either of them, his brain needs both. Arland has been diagnosed with epilepsy, he is general tonic clonic, which is defined as having seizures over his entire brain. His entire body shakes. I am writing this post to answer some questions that I am asked on a regular basis by friends and family. 

I have changed his diet. He is off milk and  most sugar. He takes a multivitamin, probiotic, b-12 supplement, and fish oil everyday. 

Most people reading this probably think, why is she writing all this? Well, I have a lot of people with really great intentions telling me I need to be doing a lot of different things for my little one and I am so thankful for the advice. I just hope nobody is offended when I choose not to implement their advice. I am so thankful for the effort that people make in wanting to help better my little ones health. And I ultimately want the absolute BEST for him. Which means that there are certain things which I think could benefit him (medications, oils, supplements), but through my own personal research and question/answer I have found that a lot of things which seam harmless or "natural" can also be harmful for my little one. Many things can help seizures, but MANY  things can cause seizures. This condition which my son has is not a broken bone or some kind of cough/cold to be treated. It is a condition of the brain, which ultimately controls our personalities, behavior, and our quality of life. I am open to trying the new "treat all" "healing""natural" path for my little one, but what I need is for people to understand that I am going to be hesitant with anything and everything (medication, oils, antibiotics, vitimins) because in the end I DO want a cure or answer to this horrible disease. I DO want my son to be healthy, and I don't want anything to hurt him. 

So when something claims to be the  "cure all" for epilepsy, I want facts and statistical evidence, not just testimonials. 

Thank you all for your love and support, I am SO EXTREMELY hopeful that my Arland will be able to beat this. He is stronger and smarter then anyone I know and he has the biggest heart. We could not be where we are with out our Heavenly Father and his guidance through this trial. 

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Hannah 

My little man

These kids get me every day! I am completely overcome with gratitude everyday that my children are happy and healthy. Arland has guided us through some very scary times in our life, but he continues to show us his strength through it all. A couple weeks ago he relapsed back into havin seizures after going 6 weeks with out having one. We think it's a combination of weaning him off of one medication and having a cold. Any time he gets sick, he is prone to having more seizures. It was one of the most difficult things seeing my baby have to go through all of this. He had 10 seizures in one day and after battleing people in the ER to give him his medicine (which they refused) ( yes I was ready to knock someone out, momma bear came out) he had a 12 minute seizure. 12 MINUTES! So after that they decided enough with the games we will give te kid his medicine. It was REDICULOUS! So any way we are in the process of looking for a different neurologist. 

You would think that all that trauma to his little brain would hinder his abilities, but he surprises me every day. Today this conversation took place: 

Me: "arland, your hat has the letter 'A' on it, for Arland!"

Arland: "mom, that is like a triangle!" 

Also the kids prayers are incredible and so powerful! He is so smart and continues to learn and grow every day! How I love this little man of mine. 

My loves

These past few weeks have been busy to say the least! Between Arland and his health and end of summer festivities we are going around in circles. I am now just catching up on  about 10 loads of laundrey, and 10 loads of dishes because of it all! 

We were able to go camping over Labor Day Weekend and had a blast. That is a separate post in itself though. 

On September 2, 2014 Heath and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary! I can't believe all that has happend in 6 years! 2 houses, college degrees, 2 babies, good times and hard times. I am so thankful for every moment that we have had to grow and learn together. 

Heath and I celebrated by getting tree for our backyard, dinner and then a play! It was perfect and so nice to just be with each other. 

My calling for our church is the Activity Day Cordinator for the little girls. We had a Tea Party for the girls and their moms. It was so beautiful! I was able to take Zoe with me to the party and she looked so adorable! 

Arland:

You are getting so big! Your are now saying phrases like "mom this is delicious!" And "I don't know mom, but I'll sure try." Or my favorite as of late "I am NEVER, EVER growing up! I am going to time out!" You are my helper and best little side kick. You love to "brother" Porter and tell him what to do. Your favorite thing right now is to run out the front door and play on the swings. 

You have been 4 weeks seizure free! (Fingers crossed) this new medicine you are on requires frequent blood tests to make sure everything is ok and you are healthy. You are a champ at taking your medicine! These past few weeks haven't been way on anyone with trying different meds, but I am so happy to see my baby back. 

Porter: 

You are my little ray of sunshine. You are so happy and smiley. You are also the BEST eater! You love food and snacks and naps. You love going to nursery on Sundays with mommy and Arland. You get to play with all the toys in there and you love it! You also love Arland and playing in his room. A few of the things you say are "momma" "dada" "no" "bye bye" "hi!" "Arnan" 

The other day daddy pulled up in his truck to the house and I yelled "daddy's home!" You crawled so fast down the hall saying "dada! dada! dada!" You were so excited to see him!

We love you mister Porter! 

Positivity

Lately I have been feeling a little down, and over whelmed. As you can see, from my previous posts that we have been experiencing a lot with our little Arland. It has now been a month since we started this journey with him. When he started having seizures a month ago I didn't know what to feel. I was mostly scared but I acted on adrenaline. As we brought him home from primaries Heath and I started to feel a little bit of normalcy coming back and then two weeks later Arland had another seizure. Since then  He has had more, but not consistent. His medication seems to be working, and his behavior is getting back to himself. The first couple weeks were HARD. He had so many angry tantrums or he would be extremely hyper... Never a middle ground. But as time goes on I can't help but be thankful that he is starting to be himself again. 

Last Sunday I was asked to give a talk In Sacrament meeting. (Great timing right). They asked me to speak on "choice and accountability." As I thought about my talk, I started think about choices. I felt as though a lot of the choices I have had in my life were never really mine to make. Many of my "choices" have been made and decided on by doctors, nurses, and even my children. So I felt like all of my choices this past year with Porter being born and now Arland and his epilepsy, were all choices that were never mine to make. So the question was "have you ever had choices that had so much to do with your life, but you had no control on what to do with them, they were never your choice to make?" 

The answer I found was simple. We always have a choice. Faith. 

We have the choice to pray for comfort. In my case I found that I have a choice to pray for guidance in understanding what my childrens doctors are telling me. And what I need to do for them. I have the choice to have faith that what Heavenly Father is telling me will be the best way. The answer is faith. 

Arland

As much as it hurts thinking about what happend to Arland that day, I have to write down these events. Arland, Porter Zoe and I went to the Lehi parade on the 28th of June. We had breakfast and found a spot along the very crowded street where we could all sit (grandma and grandpa neubert, and daddy). After the parade was over Heath went to help his dad load all of the stoves from the breakfast back into the truck. Arland wanted to stay with Heath. I let him. 

Zoe, Porter and I walked back to the car and drove away when we got a call from grandpa Pulham. He said that Arland had fallen on some landscaping rocks and hit his head. I raced my car back to the park where an ambulance and fire truck took him to primary childrens. 

They ran a catscan and X-ray. Everything was fine. We went home, and arland was said to have an "impact seizure." 

Exactly one week later, we went on vacation with my family to park city. We were going to go to the parade, it was too crowded so we opted out. We went back to the townhouse while everyone went their separate ways and daddy went to get us some dinner. I was sitting on the floor feeding Porter and Arland was standing next to me. I heard a thud and I looked over and Arland was laying on the floor. He rolled to his right side and started to seize. Foam was coming out of his mouth and his lips turned purple. This was my little arland. I panicked and ran to call 911... My phone was dead. I ran out on the back patio an started screaming for help. A little lady sitting on his back porch reading heard me and ran to get her husband. He called 911. Just as Arlands seizure was ending Heath came in the door. An ambulance came and the paramedics asked a lot of questions. They told me to get in the ambulance with Arland and keep him calm. We were taken to primary childrens where they asked a lot of questions and did a catscan. No brain tumor. We were so relieved, and yet so confused. They sent us home telling us that if he had another one longer then 5 minutes bring him in. So we were sent out to the dark again. 

That night grandpa neubert stayed up till 5 am watching Arland. Heath got up after that to watch him. At 6:30 Arland had another seizure. He woke up and went to talk to Heath when he went into another one. It was only a minute long so we decided we would wait it out and see if he had another one. That whole day he would stand and start to go into another one, so we couldn't let him walk anywhere. He was extremely agitated and then hyper happy. He was showing some clear behavior changes and in my gut it didn't feel right. I told my mom that I was having a panic attack and couldn't call the hospital so she called primary's and talked to them about his "signs." The nurse told us to come in. My dad and Heath were on a drive with arland at the time so I told them to go straight to primary's. My mom and I met them there. The nurse practitioner came in and took some information when she told us to let him walk around. They did, and when they returned arland went into another seizure. She was able to witness the entire thing and therefore admit us to the neuro-trauma unit and primary childrens. They started Arland on Keppra (an anti seizure medication) in hopes that it would stop the seizures. They ran an EEG test the next day, which came back clear, and an MRI which he had to be sedated for. 

He wasn't able to eat or drink anything that entire day. The MRI was scheduled for 1 pm but we didn't get it until 5 pm. He was angry and starving, as were we his parents. He kept asking for a chicolate chip cookie "MOM! You go get me a cookie OK!!!" So I would go out in the hall sit on a chair and cry, he wasn't allowed to have a cookie. Finally they sedated him. I held him in my arms and they put it in his IV. It was aweful. I hope to NEVER see my child that way... Ever. The MRI took about an hour so Heath and I finally were able to take a break and eat. Just as we finished we heard "will the parents of Arland Pulham please call the operator." We panicked, running out of the cafeteria. We ran up to his room where they told us that he finished his MRI and they wanted us there when he woke up. 

(Eating his chocolate chip cookie after the MRI) 

The neurologist dr. Sweeney came in and told us that all his tests, including MRI looked good and it looked like he was responding to his medication well. We could go home the next day :) 

Heath stayed home with Porter that night and I showered and headed back up to primary's where my dad was sitting with him. My dad stayed the whole night. He played cars, watched movies, and got Arland snacks. Arland loves his grandpa. My dad and I talked about how we needed to get Arland up and moving before we left the hospital. That way we would know if his medication was really working. We walked everywhere with him! And NO SEIZURE! 

We then packed up our stuff and headed home. We will be meeting with the neurologist frequently, but I am just so grateful we were admitted when we were there. There were some serious guardian angels looking out for my Arland that day. I believe everyone is inspired to make decisions in their lives. It may not be a bolt of lighting (it rarely is) that tells you what to do or what to believe in. I believe that our Heavenly Father guides us to people he knows will influence the choices we make in our lives. I don't know the purpose of this trial in our life yet, and I don't know why it had to be arland. But I do know that there are specific people that were placed in our life those days. Arland had angels physically and spiritually present with him all the time. Thank you to everyone who prayed for my little arland, we have seen miracles because of it. 

Bad fall

We look forward to this day all year long. Lehi round up week has been event for our family every year and we get so excited to go to the parade and rodeo. Yesterday was that day... With a twist. We woke up early yesterday to go to the park to have a pancake breakfast. Arland was so happy and we had miss Zoe with us as well. Grandma Pulham joined us for breakfast, and then we headed off to find a spot for the parade! Arland was so excited and shortly after we found a spot Grammy and pa neubert showed up! We ended up having to move to some shade because it was just too hot! After the parade we started back to our car where Heath told us that he needed to help clean up the pancake breakfast with his dad. Arland was throwing a fit that he wanted to stay with Heath, so I let him. Zoe and I headed to the car, leaving Heath and Arland behind. We get in the car and drive through the crowded street up past the park to get some lunch. I see Heath in the middle of a crowd of people by his dad's truck as I drive away. 

Heaths side:

As I left arland at the park with Heath, he continued to pack stuff up in his dad's truck. Always watching Arland, he told Arland to stop throwing rocks (small landscape rocks). There were also bigger rocks around. He continued loading, glancing over at Arland. He looked over and Arland was laying on the floor. He yelled at Arland to stand up, and he immediately noticed that something was not right. He ran over to him, and Arlands lips were purple, he was unconscious and so Heath moved him to the grass when he started seizing, he started yelling for help and people started to surround him. His dad got down on the ground with Arland while Heath called 911. Brad Thacker and Keith were able to give Arland a blessing before they loaded him into the ambulance. Heath also noticed across the crowd of people one of his mission companions. They made eye contact and Heath started shouting at him for help. They haven't seen each other in almost 6 years and he happend to be at that park on that day. For that, Heath was grateful. Arland was unconscious for almost 5 minutes before he woke up. Heath said that he just looked around like he had no idea who anyone was. He was staring off into space. He then just started crying. 

As I approached the ambulance the parade had just ended so there were crowds of cars and people. I stopped my car in the middle of the road and ran to the ambulance. Amanda my sister in law ran to my car and got in it to drive it out of traffic. As I approached the ambulance they were loading my little boy into it. He was screaming. Heath got in the ambulance with arland because only one of us could go. I got in the car with Amanda and we followed behind the ambulance. Heath told me that on the ride over they kept asking arland to squeeze their hand and he wouldn't, so they gave him a teddy bear and asked him to squeeze the bear. He did! 

(Arland in the ambulance, blurry pic, but arland is on the stretcher and the guy sitting on the left) (Heath took this sitting in the front) 

I will never forget going into his hospital room when I saw him for the first time since the accident. I walked up to him just as he was saying a prayer. He asked "Heavenly Father bless me to sleep, be good boy, amen" I seriously have the sweetest boy. He kept telling me "momma I go home my house?!" "Momma you snuggle me?!" I stayed by his side as they took him in for X-rays and different tests. He was so brave and he told the nurse "I am tough boy!" Through all his tears. After a period of time they told us that there were no breaks to any bones and that his seizure was the result of the impact. We were able to go home! 

Arland has been doing great and we are so thankful for all the many people that were placed in our lives at that crucial point. And the prayers that were answered. 

Brothers

I cannot believe how fast time if flying by, I wish this phase of our life would slow down for just a second. I am loving who my boys are right now. Arland has turned into this little boy who loves everything pirates and burried treasure. He asks constantly if everything is fine and he is starting to become aware of others feelings. He is always wanting to make sure "you fine momma?" And I love this smart caring person he is becoming. More then all of this though, he loves his brother. Porter says "no, no, no" around the house all day long. Where do you think he gets that from (yes, me but also) Arland. Arland gets so worried about Porter it about drives me crazy, but in the end it is always because he loves him. I thought at first that it was because he just wants to be the boss but that was not it at all. Porter was crawling to the open front door one day and Arland started shouting "no Porter!" And crying. He said "MOM, Porter get hurt!" 

It's crazy how we as people have this natural instinct to care, to have emotions for others. Isn't that what we are here for? Are we here to learn to care and have relationships with people? I think so. This whole life is about learning to care for one another. I heard the saying once along the lines of "God made us friends because he knew our parents couldnt handle us as brothers... (Or something like that)" I like to think that my two little guys were meant to be best friends and brothers, how lucky are they to have each other in this life and after?! I am so excited to see their relationship as brothers and best friends grow as they get older. Heavenly Father made them brothers because they are best friends. 

Pool time!

I can't believe my children are now doing the same things I did as a child. It feels not that long ago that my mom would pack up our pool bag with red vines licorice a cup of ice and some sun screen. We would all load up into our big red suburban (extra neighbor kids included) and head off to the outdoor pool. We would spend HOURS there, daring each other to go off the high dive or hold our breathe for as long as we could along the bottom of the pool. As we got older our interest changed from learning to float, joining summer swim team, looking for cute life guards, then becoming a life guard. Wow this place holds SO many memories! Now at this moment I am loading my own children in the car, making sure they have sun screen on, packing treats in "the pool bag", along with toys and a bouncy seat for my little red to sit in. We get to the pool and I am also trying to find the best spot to sit so I can see my little arland while he plays in the kiddie pool. So many memories.