Time...

Time just keeps blowing by and I then realize that I write the most frequently on our blog when the most stuff is going on in our life. 

We have felt EXTREMELY blessed the past while. My children are happy, and we are just enjoying our life with our little family. 

I love reading our blog and the letters I write to our children. I love seeing how they have changed and I love being reminded of who they are and how they have grown. 

Today we went to the splash pad in alpine. I try and do something everyday with my boys. From going to the library, park, thanksgiving point museums, riding bikes infront of the house or playing on the swing set in the back yard. Today was the splash pad. Arland began with telling me he was starving and wanted lunch, so we opened our sack lunch and ate on a blanket under a tree. As we were sitting there I could see his little eyes watching the splash pad and the water shooting all over the place. He was a little intimidated. Porter wanted NOTHING to do with it. Eventually arland stood up and said "mom, I think I can do this now!" He started running towards the pad when he turned around and looked at Porter and said "Porter I will hold your hand so you are scared." ..... My mom heart burst. I love this family of mine! I watched them hold hands walking into the splash pad avoiding the water spraying all over them. They truly are amazing little people and I am so grateful to be their mother. 

Arland, 

We have seen miracles with you! You are so amazing to me and the bright spirit you have. When you started having seizures I didn't know if I would ever see "you" again. Between the seizures and your medicine I felt like I had lost you. Many people had said to me that they didn't notice a change... They just thought the temper tantrums and fits were a "normal you" kind of thing. I knew they weren't and I had felt like I would never see the real you again. When we started to wean you off of your medication I started to see glimpses of "you" coming back. You became more calm, relaxed and happy. I missed that in you. By nature you have always been very empathetic. You feel other peoples emotions and you are gentle and loving towards everyone. I started to see all of that again. 

Today I have my arland boy back. You are a shining light in our family arland. I learn from you everyday. You are the best big brother and you love to play with anyone. You are a lover of all things pirate, paw patrol, chocolate dipped strawberries, and Cheetos. You love to play memory cards, and hide and seek. I love all of the things I am seeing in you now arland. Love mommy 

Porter,

My little instagator... You love to tease, chase, hide, and wrestle. You love your brother and playing with him and his friends. Porter you are so loving and snugglie. You love to come in my room in the morning and cuddle in moms bed with arland and watch cartoons. You love to be in the center of it all, and we want arland to just give you the most attention of all. Porter you are such a sweet little friend. You love to make people happy. I love everything you are Porter boy. Love mommy 

HEATH GRADUATED!!!

Wow to say I am proud is an understatement! Heath is the smartest, strongest, hardest working, most kind, most compassionate and understanding person I know. He is good through and through. I have been so blessed to have him as my partner and eternal companion. He has overcome obstacles many can't even begin to comprehend. While in the midst of his schooling he bought two houses, has two babies, made ENDLESS trips to the hospital for both his wife and children. He tackled job challenges and still made a constant and consistent effort to provide for his family. He is my Hero. I love you so much Heath Pulham and I knew you could do it! 

Porter

Oh Porter where do I begin! You have changed before my eyes. You love to play with Arland and steal his toys:) you are a firecracker! We took your high chair away because you love to just sit up on the bar stool with your brother to eat. 

You are saying two words together now like "where's arland?" And "go paze" it's adorable! 

You love your cousins! Any and all friends too! You have the sweetest disposition about you Porter. We say family prayers at night and I love to watch you during them because you fold your arms and bow your head to pray. You truly are a miracle porter and I am so glad you chose us to be your family. 

four

Where has time gone! My baby, my Arland, how have you grown so fast! I look at all the things Porter is doing and BAM just like that I have flash backs of you doing the same things. You are amazing to me Arland. 

We have had kind of an adjustment period for you lately. We are now doing pretty well on your medicine regiment to control your seizures, and you are doing extremely well. There are moments where I have to pinch my self because I see you learning and growing and it makes my heart burst for joy. I love you. 

We had such a fun party for you. It was a day filled with pirates and friends. We had a piniata and mom made a pirate ship cake. You were happy. We all were happy. 

You started primary this year and you have such nice teachers and cute little friends. I love seeing you make relationships with all the other kids. You love your little friend Maycee, you two can play for hours! Maycee loves to hug you and tell you how wonderful you are. She is the best 😍. 

Arland boy time had gone too fast I know some day I am going to miss how you want me to lay in bed with you at night reading Magic Tree House books and listening to you whisper in my ear that I am your favorite gal. I am going to miss you turning all the lights off in the house so you can tell me a scary story about a pirate ship. And making shadow figures on the wall because you can't fall asleep. I am going to miss all those things. So please, let your fourth year go a little slower then your third. I want to savor every moment with you. 

Love, mommy 

FIRST day of forever!

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I have written and updated post about my family! Maybe that is because we have had no major crazy things happening, thankfully! Heath is in school and he will finish his last and FINAL semester in January!!! Hallelujah! He is seriously my hero! I am so extremely proud of this man of mine! Not only is he extremely handsome, he is smart, determined, hardworking, loyal and chases his dreams! I am one VERY lucky lady! He loves his family unconditionally and I am just so extremely proud of him. 

Arland started preschool today! We have been waiting a while for this day because of everything he has been through. We found a neurologist that we really like and she is puting a huge effort into Arland. We are so thankful for modern medicine and inspired doctors! Arland has been thinking about going to school since last year! He loves to learn and play with new friends. Today when we went to take him to preschool, I couldn't help but watch him on our walk there. He looked so grown up with his back pack on. One hand holding onto the stroller porter was sitting in. I was in such a fast pace walking and I looked down at his feet am realized I need to slow down! This is the only time I will walk him to his very first day of "school." There will be plenty of "first days" of school. But this is his FIRST day of the many days of school. Once I slowed down I looked at him and he was looking down at his feet walking. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said, "mom will miss H have choo choo trains?" Haha that is my arland right there! I will savor that little conversation my whole life. I am so proud of you Arland boy! Happy FIRST day of school! 

Good

I am sure most every mother feels like their children are innately good. Or at least I hope every mother feels that way towards their child. The past month we have hit this amazing phase with Arland. Six months ago I felt like I lost my Arland, because of his seizures I felt like his personality changed drastically and I was in mourning over my little person and who he use to be. I had talked to mothers who had experienced similar personality changes in their children and I asked them if their children ever got back to their "normal" personality. Most of them said No. I was devistated! I could not accept that my sweet boy who was so incredibly smart would never be the same. That he would be in a constant state of agitation and anxiety, that he would be sad/depressed all the time or angry. I just refuse to accept that. I feel so  much empathy for all those mothers and fathers who have experienced the loss of their child's "being" in this craziness of epilepsy. Through all of this though I know for a fact that not only is Arland never going to be the same, but neither am I. Of course I am more paranoid, anxious, stressed and confused, but I am also more aware, educated, and sympathetic. I am stronger and so is Arland. 

We have found a new neuro that we love right now. She is brilliant and caring, and she is very available to us. We are now going on 5 weeks since his last seizure, and I don't know if or when another one will happen, but I am so thankful for all that has been done to take care of my little one. We have been able to keep Arland on a lower dose of his medication which has made him so much happier. He is so much more himself these days! And that is all I can ask for :) the other day Porter hit Arland and he turned to face Porter and said "Porter we don't hit in this family." My mom heart could have burst that he recognized not to hit back :) 

Another time we were driving in the car and I told Arland to keep his brother happy and he said "mom, Porters happy, I will just hold his hand." 

I believe with all my heart that I got a good one :) Arland is innately good. He is kind and caring and he feels others emotions. I am just so thankful he is mine. 

Positive vibes

I just wanted to thank everyone that has prayed for our family and our sweet Arland. It has been a really long hard journey that is no where near over. And we are ok with that. I just want my Arland seizure free and healthy. I am so thankful for all the positive advice and words of wisdom for us. We are so new to all of this that we are looking for all and any answers to help us find a way to help our little boy. His medication he is on seems to be working and he is on 2 medications, we know from our experiences with him so far that he is NOT ready to be weaned off of either of them, his brain needs both. Arland has been diagnosed with epilepsy, he is general tonic clonic, which is defined as having seizures over his entire brain. His entire body shakes. I am writing this post to answer some questions that I am asked on a regular basis by friends and family. 

I have changed his diet. He is off milk and  most sugar. He takes a multivitamin, probiotic, b-12 supplement, and fish oil everyday. 

Most people reading this probably think, why is she writing all this? Well, I have a lot of people with really great intentions telling me I need to be doing a lot of different things for my little one and I am so thankful for the advice. I just hope nobody is offended when I choose not to implement their advice. I am so thankful for the effort that people make in wanting to help better my little ones health. And I ultimately want the absolute BEST for him. Which means that there are certain things which I think could benefit him (medications, oils, supplements), but through my own personal research and question/answer I have found that a lot of things which seam harmless or "natural" can also be harmful for my little one. Many things can help seizures, but MANY  things can cause seizures. This condition which my son has is not a broken bone or some kind of cough/cold to be treated. It is a condition of the brain, which ultimately controls our personalities, behavior, and our quality of life. I am open to trying the new "treat all" "healing""natural" path for my little one, but what I need is for people to understand that I am going to be hesitant with anything and everything (medication, oils, antibiotics, vitimins) because in the end I DO want a cure or answer to this horrible disease. I DO want my son to be healthy, and I don't want anything to hurt him. 

So when something claims to be the  "cure all" for epilepsy, I want facts and statistical evidence, not just testimonials. 

Thank you all for your love and support, I am SO EXTREMELY hopeful that my Arland will be able to beat this. He is stronger and smarter then anyone I know and he has the biggest heart. We could not be where we are with out our Heavenly Father and his guidance through this trial. 

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Hannah