Sunday, March 10, 2013

Unexpected Turns

Heath and I have had a major turn of events the past week, month, year and I felt it appropriate to journal some of the major events that have occurred in our lives. I don't expect many people to read this, mainly because it is a very personal experience for the both of us, but as I have continued this blog over the past 5 years I have found that this is not just my "mom blog" but it is my life story, my journal. I have fears that if I write my thoughts down on paper I will lose them in a fire, flood (you name it and disaster) and I will lose those memories forever. By keeping this blog I have found that I can access my journal anywhere! And all those memories that I share with my sweet husband and little boy are saved and documented with photos that I can see wherever and whenever I want.

Heath and I have loved and lived in a sweet little home near our families for the past three years, we bought our home together, worked on it together, made dreams of our future and family in that house. One January 25th 2011 we welcomed our little Arland to that home where we made so many memories as our little family of three. Heath and I both made our lives as crazy as possible by working and going to school being mommy and daddy, husband and wife and many other roles. We have loved seeing our little Arland grow and learn in that house. We decided about 6 months ago that we wanted to expand our little family to a family of 4! Yes we found out that we were pregnant and decided make plans of selling our house and moving to a bigger one closer to our families. We are so excited to make this move! Of course it is sad to pack up some of our memories in that little red brick house that we have worked so hard on and loved so much, but we are so excited to make new memories and watch our 2 little boys grow as brothers and best friends.

Through all of our excitement and changes, Heath and I decided that I would be leaving my job which I have enjoyed loved and made lasting friendships through after I had baby #2. At 18 weeks that day came sooner than expected. I had some complications with baby and was taken to the emergency room. We were so scared of what was going to come of our little one. Trevor and Chelsee came to get Arland while we waited to find out what was going on with our ultrasound. They told me that I had Placenta Previa, and abnormally low fluid. They were concerned that I had a rip in my water which was leaking amniotic fluid and they were concerned with the fact that maybe it had broken all the way. They sent me home with the anticipation that I would be taking things a little bit easier. I had appointments with my OBGYN every week and with the Parientologist every week to check fluid levels. A normal range for fluid is 10-20, I was at a 1.8 on my first day. The second week I reached 3.9 and the next was 4.9. I felt confidant that I could maintain my "higher" levels throughout my pregnancy.

At 23 weeks on Sat March 2nd 2013 I woke up to get ready for a baby shower. I was doing my hair in the bathroom when I felt a knotted pain in my lower right abdomen. It was so bad that I couldn't stand any more so I told Heath that I needed to lay down. I didn't think it was contractions because I thought that contractions let up every now and then. This NEVER let up. It started to send electric shocks down my right leg and I told Heath that I wanted to call the doctor. It was Saturday so the clinic was closed but my on call doctor called me back and told me that it was probably sciatic nerve, he also told me that if I was concerned about it I could always go to the women's center at the hospital to have them do a non stress test to make sure everything is ok. Heath and I called his parents to come get Arland so we could go to the hospital, and we were on our way. When we reached the hospital my pain stopped, they decided to check me any way because I had really low fluid. After the NST they were ready to let us go! Everything was ok, then my doctor came in to the room (he was delivering a baby that day any way) and asked if he could do an ultrasound to check my fluid. We thought that would be a good idea, so he left the room to get the machine. As he left, I felt a sudden gush of fluid come out of me. I looked at Heath and told him that I though my water broke. We took everything off and realized that I had just broken my water completely. The doctor came back to the room and tested the fluid, it was positive for amniotic fluid. My fears had been confirmed, my water was broken and I was only 23 weeks pregnant with this little person. What was going to happen to me? What was going to happen to the baby? Heath, Arland? Why was this all happening right now, why couldn't I be further along? My nurse came back in the room and told me that they could not deliver my baby at Timpanogos hospital because he was still too early so they would bring an ambulance to take me to University of Utah hospital. They then had to get an IV in me and after about 4 times they finally brought the anesthesiologist in to give me the IV. My arms were bruised and bloody. I was so scared and I didn't want Heath to leave me for one second. My doctor then gave me a hug and told me that an ambulance would not be fast enough so they would be bringing the helicopter in. A HELICOPTER! It took a while to wrap my brain around the fact that this was a really serious situation and I needed to get to the hospital fast. I started to have contractions at this point. Life Flight entered my room and as I lay there crying and hyperventilating the nurse from the helicopter team held my face and looked into my eyes and told me that I was going to be ok. She told me that these things happen for a reason and it had nothing to do with me or it being my fault. She told me that I would be in the best hands for care in all of the western United States. She told me that she would stay with me. They moved me from my hospital bed to the stretcher and she held my hand as they strapped me to the bed. I laid on my side closing my eyes as they wheeled me through the hospital and out the door to the helicopter. As I laid there in the helicopter I kept my eyes closed, I prayed to my Heavenly Father that he would protect me and my baby, that we would be safe, that I wouldnt be alone. I sang primary songs in my head as the helicopter took off and I kept my eyes closed. Every now and then my nurse would ask if I was ok (to make sure I was conscious still) and I would only open my eyes then. I soon felt the helicopter land and the door lift up in the back. They pulled back the stretcher and wheeled me into the hospital, because I still had my eyes closed I could hear my mom crying as we entered labor and deliver and I opened my eyes long enough to see my dad touch my forehead as they wheeled me to a small dark room with a window. I looked everywhere for Heath. He met his dad, and he rode with his dad up to the hospital. He soon came in the room and sat with me as they hooked up my IV and got me moved to a delivery bed. My doctor came in the room and asked me so many questions that I cannot remember at this time. I was tired and emotional. Dr. Chin told me that I was in a room where if I had my baby they would be able to pass the baby through a small window to the NICU. This way the baby would not have to be moved around the halls. She told Heath and I that we would have to make some major decisions about what we would do if we had our baby that night. Heath and I never thought that we would ever have to make these kinds of decisions in our life. If baby was born, would be prolong life at 23 weeks? Would the baby suffer? Would we let them work on our baby till the end? What was the end? They told us that at 23 weeks baby has 50/50 chance. All of the information was so overwhelming and we knew that we needed to make these major decisions now before everything was to happen. Heath and I cried and decided that we would fight for our baby. After we made that decision, they started me on steroid injections (for babies lungs to develop faster) and Magnesium (prevent babies brain from clotting, and slow down labor). They gave me the shot (which was like tar going into the blood stream) and started my magnesium on my IV. My nurse whom we LOVED (Devon is her name) told me that I would feel hot and puffy and uncomfortable on the drug. She was right. At this point my IV had blown out in my arm (for the tenth time!) And they put the IV in my foot. I felt the heat in my body from the magnesium rise from my foot to my knees, hips, chest, and up to my head. They took my temperature to make sure that I didn't have a fever (I felt like I was 5,000 degrees!) It was 100.8 high but normal. We slept as much as we could that first night (which wasn't very much) We hoped and prayed that I would be able to stop the contractions, and they did! We were then moved to another room across the hall (which was a huge relief because that meant that baby was still inside of me and growing. Family came by to see me, and I was finally able to see my little Arland! I have the best family in the world, they have supported us, loved Arland, and kept us in good spirits through this entire thing.

Heath and I made the decision to tell our families that we had chosen a name for our little baby the night that they all came to visit in Labor and Delivery. We wanted baby to have a name so that we could feel closer to him and to identify him as part of our family, no matter how early he was. His name is Porter David Pulham. We named him after my dad, my dad is a very special person in my life and he is one of the strongest people that I know too. We wanted Porter to have some of his strength as he fights through this difficult time. His name is what gets us through these hard times and knowing that we can connect with him by calling his name throughout the day.

After a few days passed we were able to be moved out of labor and delivery and to the women's center! They said that because I stopped having contractions and I was in a much more stable condition they could send me to a more comfortable environment. Heath and I were so relieved to be moved because that meant that Porter had a fighting chance at staying inside of me longer. They told me that if things went well I could be there for 10 weeks (the goal is 34 weeks). It seemed long at first and maybe it will get harder as time goes on but it has already been a week! My baby has been inside for 1 more week! Every day is a mile stone. We are so thankful that Heavenly Father has given us the chance to be parents, I miss my little Arland EVERY single minute of the day. I miss his smile, I miss watching toy story all the time I miss making easy mac and cheese, I miss snuggling in mom and dads bed, I miss talking with his little spirit as we drive in the car, I miss my baby. But as I miss all of these things right now I know that I have this other little spirit inside of me that needs me more then ever right now. I am Arlands mother, but I am also Porters mother and at this crucial time in my child's development I need to be as available to Porters needs as possible. That means that we wait and gain time. I am so thankful to my family (Neuberts and Pulhams) for taking care of my little boy when I cannot. Arland has the most peaceful spirit and I am so thankful to be his mother. He is gentle, kind, silly, happy and strong. I know that he is in the best hands possible.

Heath has been my rock. He has been with me through anything and everything. I am so thankful that he is the father to my children and I thank heavenly father every day that we were brought together. He is strong and keeps me positive. I know that this whole process has been difficult for him to see his wife  and baby in a critical situation. I was really scared and I can only imagine the emotions he must be feeling. I love him more than words can describe, he has supported me and talked to me about our future and Porter. He is the best daddy in the world, Arland loves him to the moon and back! It make me so happy when I see their faces light up when they see each other. They are best friends. Porter is so lucky to have him as a daddy.

As time goes on we will wait and see. Every day is a miracle, we are thankful for every day that I am in this room pregnant still. I wanted to write all of these things down while they are fresh in my mind. This story is personal to me and I never want to lose it. I love my little family, Heath is the best thing that has ever happened to me, Arland is my little sunshine that I feel so blessed to have every day and Porter is my little miracle every day. Every day he gets stronger.


Camille Spence said...

Oh my goodness, Hannah! You have got me bawling my eyes out, that sounds so scary and frustrating. I am so sorry this is going on with you guys right now. You are such a trooper! I an seriously in awe of you. You are an incredible mom. You are still in our prayers!

B said...

Hannah, I'm so sorry you're going through this! When I was pregnant with Emmett I started bleeding profusely and they told me I would have a miscarriage. I didn't in the end, but those days were the scariest I've ever experienced. I hope that you can rest, relax, and feel some peace. I'll pray for baby Porter. Thank you for sharing your story!